I love being a mother. I absolutely love it. Many days I feel like I'm not nearly as good at it as I could be, should be and want to be, but I'm so thankful that I get to be. I'm constantly striving to keep my eyes on God so He can continually transform me into the wife, mother, & woman He designed me to be. I have to say though, parenting is hard. I absolutely don't have it all together. Not even close. Sometimes I mess up more times in a day than I do well. I wonder if I do more damage to my kids than good sometimes.
When I became a mom at the naive age of 23, I had no idea what kind of sacrifice I was getting into. Simple things like the ongoing demands and having to remain completely flexible with my own schedule and my money. I didn't know that my children would be born with their own individual personalities. I didn't understand that they would have likes & dislikes of their own regardless of my strong influence on their lives. I didn't realize that they would often disobey, even though I've told them the right thing to do.
I am absolutely not complaining here. Not for a second. And I know I have really great kids. I guess I'm just keeping it real. I often post cute and fun things about our family but I want people to know, I struggle. We struggle as a family. Our kids disobey and we loose our tempers. We have bad days, weeks, and months. Since I choose to be home, our finances take a big hit for a family of 5. Every bit of it is worth it though. We are just people on this journey of life and we're thankful we get to be a family to grow and learn together in love.
I do post a lot of good highlights so the grandparents can see our children and be proud of them. But just so we're clear, we're just people, completely dependant on God's grace. We will do our best so He can be honored but when (not IF but WHEN) we mess up, we rely completely on Him. It is God's grace alone that sustains us. If there is anything we know to be true, it is that.
I don't know why I felt the urge to post this today. I guess I don't want for a minute people who follow our blog to think this is just a big brag fest about how wonderful we are. Trust me, we know how wonderful we're NOT. (just ask our kids, they'll tell you the truth) If there is anything good about this family, it is not of our own doing. Caleb and I were two wandering and broken people when we met and I for one was cloaked in shame. The fact that God merged our two lives and then added precious children to it is nothing less than a miracle directly from His generous Hand. Truly.
**I'll try to make my next post more light-hearted since most of my readers just want to see the kids. Most are probably thinking, "Okay, Jaime, enough of this heart-sharing, philosophical stuff! Just post pictures of the cute ones in the family and save your thoughts for your personal journal." I know, I make everything deep, even when it doesn't need to be. Oh well! Thanks for reading.
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2 comments:
Thank you Jaime for this open hearted post. You mirrored a lot of my sentiments! Thank you God for Grace!!!
Reading the brag fest is obviously more fun than this post, but it is a good reminder of how God can work with our mistakes. We are far from perfect, but I am so thankful that I have you to make mistakes with!!
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